Birthday Surprises
by mpkio2
Summary: It's Eric Cartman's birthday, but no-one is there to celebrate his "special" day. Along comes one Kyle Broflovski and gives Cartman a gift. It's up to Cartman to face his past and the gift Kyle has given him. Implied Kyle/Cartman - FRIENDSHIP OR SLASH?


**A/N:**

**It's my birthday! **

**Everybody sing it! **_**"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to mpkio2, Happy birthday to you!" ***_**Applause and blows out candles on cake***

**No, stop, stop! You shouldn't have, really! **

**I turn 20 today (2****nd**** November) and I'm just so happy to leave my teenage years behind and start my 20's...go, I feel old; I wonder if I'm one of the oldest fanfiction writers on this site? Who knows?**

**Anyway, in celebration of my birthday (and to all of my wonderful readers), I decided to write out this South Park CartmanxKyle one-shot.**

**Sorry about spelling and grammar! **

**Enjoy! :)**

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Disclaimer:** I am obliged to write this statement, for if I don't, I would probably be sued for god knows how much. In short, I don't own South Park; Matt Stone and Trey Parker do.

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**Birthday Surprises  
**Written by mpkio2

**Prologue**

February 7th was always a happy day for Eric Cartman. On this day, his mother, Leanne Cartman, was always granting his every whim and demand (Although that was nothing new for she had done this every day since the existence of her son). But it was on this day that she, Leanne, Cartman's mother, was just an extra bit sweeter and just an extra bit more of a push-over.

If her son, Eric, didn't want to go to school on February the 7th,Liane would allow her son to stay at home and stay in bed, his brain turning to glob and mush. If he wanted to stay in his pyjamas all day, she would let the boy walk around and do his usual activities in his sticky, stain-covered pyjamas. If he wanted to watch TV all day, sit in on the sofa and stare at the machine like some kind of a zombie, she wouldn't even argue with him; she wouldn't even think to tell him that "TV rots your brain, sweetie," Yes, whatever Eric Cartman wanted, he would get it. Not that was anything special and new, but on this day, on February 7th, he would get what he wanted that much faster.

On February 7th, the foul-mouthed and egotistical little bastard that is Eric Theodore Cartman, was born, his birthday.

Eric Cartman would get presents covered in wrapping paper and bows, tags on the side that read "To Eric, my little popskin. Love Mom" (which he did not read at all for he always started to tear at the wrapping paper). HE got so many presents on this day, on February 7th. He got it all and much more. What he wanted, when he wanted. He got snacks and food and candy and gifts and he got everything. He even got a birthday party where his schoolmates would turn up and give him what he had asked them to get, gaining him even more presents and hours of fun of entertainment (Not to mention the power he gained from controlling all of his "friends"...). And his parties were special, better than the other kid's birthday parties, much, much better than their crappy cake and ice-cream parties!

Leanne Cartman always went out when organizing her son's birthday party. She always got the most food, most decorations and paid for entertainers (Like clowns and magicians) to entertain the kids. She hired for an elephant so the kids could ride the creature. She spent a hell of a lot of money on her son, but to her, it was worth it, for he was everything to her and she only wants her popsikin to like her, to be her friend. He was her little man...

Yes, on February 7th, Eric Cartman had it all. Everything and anything was his and it would stay like that until he died...

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**February 7****th**** 2020 – Cartman's 20****th**** Birthday**

"Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to..."

Who was he again? He couldn't really remember. But how can you remember yourself when there is no one around you to remind you, to tell you, to tell them that they like you for who you are. How do you know yourself if no-one tells you? You don't.

He always called himself "Eric" for it just seemed right. He had called himself "Eric" since he moved into North Park, five years ago to this day. Eric didn't know but that day had a significance to it...like the day meant something, like something had happened but Eric had just forgotten.

The just-turned twenty year-old...man? Is he man? He didn't feel like a man, like an adult. To be honest, he still felt like a small fat little boy...a lonely, sad, miserable little boy at that. And yes, he was fat, but not anymore. He has changed much; a lot. He is skinner that what he used to be. And, if anyone can believe it, he has changed deep...inside as well. He is no longer that egotistical little asshole that he was. Yeah, he is sometimes a jerk and yeah, he is a little impatient and foul-mouthed at times, but...his...different, somehow. I guess you can really look back on yourself and find your faults and improve on those faults when you have no-one around you, no-one to talk to. You have time to kill, kill it.

Time. That's one thing he still had; time. But it seems even that, even his ally was going against him now...like they all went against him in the end; it was only a matter of time...Time! He was growing older by the year, by the month, by the day, the hour, the minute, the second! It's his 20th birthday for crying out loud! It's Eric Cartman's 20th birthday, today! He's older, older than before! No, even time was not his side; time had deserted him, just like everyone else had done to him.

Fine! Who needs any of them, anyways? Eric was fine on his own! He didn't need anyone, not a soul. He had himself and that's all he needed; after all, it was always about himself, wasn't it? Today was his day! Today's was his special day, the day where his mom would get him everything and anything and let him do anything! Watch all the TV he wanted, not brush his teeth, staying in his pyjamas...he could have it all!

But, and it dawned on him, he didn't have it all. On contrary, he had nothing to his name. Not a thing. The day where he could have it all, where he should have it all, and he didn't have a thing. (He laughed a little at the irony). Not a thing and not a person, no-one. Lonely...yes, he was lonely, is lonely! But, who is there to talk to in this damn place! No-one.

He had no-one to talk to for five years...

Eric was sitting at a small dingy table in an almost empty kitchen., aside from a few counters, a table and chair and a stove. The curtains were shut. It was dark inside the kitchen, the whole apartment. Eric hated the light. He didn't need the light, he didn't want the light! A cake was in front of him, lit with two candles on top. The lit candles were enough to light up his miserable face that stared down at the cake with sadness. He never thought for a second he would be sad to see food...

The man was thinking, thinking about who he was and all that had happened in his twenty years of living on this retched planet. What the fuck had he achieved? Nothing. What had he done? Nothing. What did he do to deserve what had happened to him? NOTHING!

He continued to stare at the delicious looking cake covered in blue icing with a cold hard look. He wanted to throw the cake across the room and smear it all against the wall.; he didn't do that. He did nothing. He just sat and stared at the cake, in the dark, in his dark, small kitchen.

The man was about to blow out the candles on the cake, despite the fact that he had yet to finished the birthday song he was miserably singing and had yet to come to the conclusion of who he was, but didn't. The front door to his grubby apartment was being knocked. He stopped and turned his head to the left, where his front door was.

Did he hear wrong? Did he just hear someone...knocking on his front door? He heard the knocking again. Surely they had the wrong door, the wrong apartment, the wrong person. But despite all what he thought, Eric slowly rose to his feet and walked over to his front door the knocking still proceeding.

"I'm coming!" he shouted as he walked, a hand going over his scratchy brunette hair. "I'm coming! God, can't you be patient!" Eric never was a patient being...

The knocking never stopped, even when the door was opened. Eric stood in the doorway. "I'm sorry, asshole, but I think you-"

Eric stopped talking and stared at the person who stood in front of him. A man with red curls for hair, standing in a orange coat and a green hat on top, green eyes sparkling and a present in their hand, Eric was shocked and surprised to see Kyle Broflovski standing in his doorway, looking apprehensive and nervous to be where he was.

"Hey," Kyle, the boy Eric...Cartman had tormented in his childhood years, stood, his lips trembling a little, his brow covered in sweat, his eyes looking left and right as if trying to see if anyone was watching him. "How ya' doing...Cartman?"

Hearing the boy-man speak, Eric shook his head and placed a disgruntled and unpleasant frown on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here, Kahl?" Eric sneered.

Kyle looked even more nervous than before. "Er...well, here to give you this...obviously," Kyle extended his hands which held a nicely wrapped present. Eric spotted the tag on the side of the gift that read "To Cartman, Happy Birthday! From Kyle"

"Happy Birthday, Cartman," Cartman? Was that who he was? Eric didn't know...

It didn't seem like such a happy day to him. It was a miserable day. His birthday had never been happy ever since his mom, his "friends" and everyone else had turned their backs on him. And now Kyle shows up, who he hasn't seen in five years, gives him a present and thinks everything is "happy"? Fuck him!

"Thank you, Kahl," Eric snatched the present out from Kyle's hands. "Now why don't you go and fuck yourself, Jew," And this being said, Eric started to close the door, but Kyle, being stubborn as he was, wouldn't let Eric close the door on him.

"I actually hoped we could have a little chat..." Kyle said as Eric opened the full way so he could look at Kyle while he spoke, giving him a hateful stare.

"What is there to chat about?" Eric asked, rudely. "You already know everything, don't you? My life is fucked up, I hate my birthdays, I don't even know who I am and why I exist, you all turned your backs against me-"

"We didn't have a choice!" Kyle burst out, completely interrupting Eric's speech. "You were going out of control! Your mom couldn't deal with you, she had to kick you out and I couldn't take you in-"

"Yeah," Eric started. "I couldn't even go to my friends in a desperate time of need. You guys are all such wonderful friends, aren't you?" Eric crossed his arms, ending the last sentence, sarcastically.

Kyle was looking down at the ground. "I didn't have a choice. I didn't have enough room to keep you..."

"You still could have found some space for me!" Eric retorted back, pointing his finger into Kyle's stomach. "You had enough room in your attic, didn't you, Kyle!"

Kyle looked up and started into Cartman's hateful eyes. "You know why I couldn't take you in..."

Eric did. He knew why Kyle wouldn't take him in. But it was his fault! The Jew made things complicated, he always made things complicated; he is making this conversation complicated! Why did he start to get so close? Eric did warn him to fuck off and leave him be, but the boy just wouldn't listen. Why did their relationship end up so...complicated? Kyle, of course...

Eric turned around, not wanting to look at Kyle anymore. "You still should have taken me in..." he hardly whispered, wondering if Kyle had actually heard him speak at all. But his answer, he had:

"I couldn't," was the man's miserable answer. "You...had to go..."

Eric closed his eyes and turned around. "Yeah, now it's time for you to go..."

Kyle looked a little confused then, understanding what Eric had said, started to shake his head.

"I want to stay with you..."

"What's this?" Eric sneered. "Kahl has a guilty conscious? Feeling guilty about leaving me to fend for myself, are you?" Eric shoved Kyle with both of his hands. "I can fend for myself. I don't need your pity, or anyone else for that matter,"

"It's not pity, Cartman," Kyle said in a whisper. "It's care,"

"Care? You care about me?" Eric laughed. "I don't think so, Jew. This is pity...and guilt! That's why you gave me this stupid wrapped up gift, isn't it!" Eric waved the gift in Kyle's face. "It's because you feel sorry for me and you feel guilty that you didn't help me and haven't seen me in five years!"

Kyle was shaking his head. "No, Cartman..."

SMASH! Kyle's gift was now on the floor. Kyle had ducked his head, just missing the flying gift as Cartman had thrown it against the wall, causing the object inside to crash.

"Don't call me 'Cartman'!" Eric shouted. "I'm not Cartman! I haven't been Cartman since I left you-" Cartman-Eric stopped speaking, realizing what he had just said. He wished he had stopped speaking, but it was too late, for he had said too much in his anger.

Cartman. He was Cartman. He hadn't been Cartman since he left South Park, since he left Kyle. He had turned into Eric, living alone and miserable. He left Kyle, leaving Cartman and all of his pain and his suffering away in South Park, away in his memory. Was that why Eric lived in the dark? Was it to protect himself from the outside world, afraid that the entity of "Cartman" would somehow find Eric? It looks like Eric had found Cartman already...

It was Kyle. It was always Kyle. But Eric's mind erased that piece of information away; Eric didn't want re-live any of Cartman's past-life, feel his pain. Kyle had rejected Cartman when Cartman came to Kyle one night and told Kyle that his mom was going to send him away because she had found out what was going on between himself and Kyle. Kyle told Cartman that he didn't want to see him again and that he should leave South Park. Cartman never left South Park, but Eric did and he started a new life on his own in North Park. It had happened five years ago on this very day, February 7th. The significance was there...

Eric started to step back into his room, the hallway seeming to shrink in size, the air becoming hot, the room starting to spin. It couldn't be true? No way! Eric was back in his apartment, back in the darkness where he liked it, but light was soon shining in his room and Cartman started to freak out.

"What the fuck!" he shouted. "Shut that fucking curtain, Kyle!" Kyle was standing by the window in the living room. Cartman was in the kitchen where the curtains were still closed. "Close it, you stupid Jew!"

Kyle shook his head and walked in the direction of the front door. Cartman-I'm Eric! Eric hoped Kyle would leave, but he returned moments later with his gift in his hands; he had gone to retrieve his gift from the hall. Kyle was now standing in the living room, the light filling the room, the truth. Cartman, on the other hand, stood in the kitchen, the darkness, the lie that was his new life.

"Come get your present, Cartman," Kyle said, holding out the gift to him.

Cartman shook his head and mealy said "It's...Eric,"

Kyle shook his head. "No, your name is Cartman! Yes, first name 'Eric' but I've always called you 'Cartman'!" Kyle said in an angry voice. "I've had enough of this! Come and get your gift!"

Cartman shook his head. "No fucking way! I'll kill myself before I come out into the light! You can fuck yourself, Jew!"

"Come and get your gift, fat-ass!" Kyle shouted. "This is ridiculous!"

"Ridiculous?" Eric repeated. "Ridiculous!" Eric was coming closer to Kyle, an angry expression on his face, but still not leaving the darkness. "I'll tell you what's ridiculous! You not even helping me out! You being the coward that you are! You not coming to see me in five years! You turning your back on me! Now that's ridiculous!"

"You're the one who's the coward!" Kyle shouted back. "You can't even come out of the darkness and admit it to yourself what and who you are! It's birthday, Cartman!"

"I am not Cart-"

"Yes, you are!" Kyle screamed dropping the gift altogether. "You are Eric Theodore Cartman. You live in South Park, Colorado. You're an egotistical little asshole that everyone hates. You hate me, you call me names," Kyle looked like he wanted to say more, but didn't...

Cartman started to walk towards Kyle...

"Go on," he urged the man.

"You're a...fucking...idiot," Kyle said, his voice going raspy. "I can't stand you and I..."

"Yes..."

"And I..." Kyle looked up and into Cartman's eyes, which was now standing directly in front of him. Kyle's face brightened up.

"Why are you smiling, Jew?" Cartman asked seeing the smile on Kyle's face.

"You did, Cartman," Kyle said, the smiling doing all the talking.

"Did what?" Cartman asked.

"You're in the light," Kyle said, brightly.

And sure enough, as Cartman looked around the room, he realized he was standing in front of Kyle, in the living room, the light from the windows poring and covering him in an amazing feeling. He felt different, he felt...lighter. He felt...like Cartman. He was Cartman, is Cartman! It is his birthday, February 7th! His 20 years old today!

Cartman smiled what felt like the first genuine smile he ever felt since he left South Park. "Of course I did," he answered, simply. "I'm Cartman! I can do anything!"

Kyle nodded his head, the smile still placed on his face. "You sure can,"

Cartman looked down to the floor and spotted Kyle's gift. He picked it up and looked to Kyle, who nodded his head.

"Open it,"

He did. Cartman teared at it like he was eight years old again. The gift turned out to be a box and inside the box was glass, a frame and picture. Kyle explained that it was a framed photograph but since Eric had thrown the box against the wall, it had damaged the glass into pieces. Cartman apologized for Eric's actions, which Kyle, humbly, accepted.

Cartman took hold of the photograph. On it was Cartman and Kyle, both around fifteen years of age, both arguing, both looking as if they could kill the other. The picture looked like it was taken just a few days before Cartman left South Park.

"This is who you are, Cartman," Kyle said in a confident voice. "You're an egotistical, asshole. You were born to make my life miserable. You exist for me,"

"That I do, Jew," Cartman replied with a smile. "That I do,"

Kyle retuned the smile but then his whole face deflated and he looked to the floor.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Cartman asked.

"I'm sorry," Kyle whispered. "You were right; I was guilty for treating you like shit all those years ago. I never should have made you leave. I was just confused and I didn't know what I wanted and can you forgive me? I'm so sorry, Cartman! I should never have-"

Cartman put a finger to Kyle's lips, hushing him. "God, calm down, Jew. You speak more shit than I do!" Cartman laughed.

"So, you forgive me?" Kyle asked, hopeful.

"I'll make deal with you, Jew," Cartman said as he looked at Kyle in the eyes. "You give me another gift and I'll forgive you, but it must be a gift that I tell you I want. Remember, it is my birthday and I get everything I want..."

"Of course you do," Kyle, slightly, rolled his eyes. "OK, Deal," Kyle nodded his head. "Now, what do you want?"

Carman smiled, deviantly. Kyle will wish he had never made that deal.

But Cartman was happy, yes, Cartman! For Kyle had found Cartman again! He had returned and Cartman was back in the light, happy again, at last! It was his birthday, February 7th! He is Eric Cartman. He is born to make Kyle Broflovski's life miserable. He exists because of him. And Cartman was happy with that.

"Let's just say...I want my birthday surprise..."

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**THE END!**

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A/N:**

**Wow. That ended out being much longer and much different that I expected it to be! It was quiet sad and it had some psychology to do with this one-shot, especially with the "Eric" and "Cartman" personality taints.**

**The split personality traits thing is a reference to the film "Psycho" and this one-shot is, somewhat, based on the "South Park" episode "Damien" where Cartman has a birthday party. **

**OK, back-story time. Didn't understand what was going on? Allow me to elaborate; Basically, 'Eric' lives allow in North Park, a town over from South Park and has done for five years. Kyle turns up on Cartman's birthday because Kyle wants to be with Cartman. Five years ago from that day, Cartman and Kyle became close friends and become even closer. When Leanne found out her son was "tainted", she wanted to get rid of him. Cartman turns to Kyle but Kyle tells Cartman to leave South Park. When Cartman left South Park, his brain tried to forget all his pain with Kyle and made up a new identity, a new life as 'Eric'.**

**Interputation time: **

**If Kyle/Cartman relationship is "Friendship": Well, it is what it is. It can just be a simple friendship between Kyle and Cartman and nothing else. Kyle went to visit Cartman cause he felt guilty for kicking Cartman out of his house and thats it. And Cartman just like Kyle. Notice that both characters never say "I love you" or even mention the word "love"**

**If Kyle/Cartman relationship is "Slash": Cartman and Kyle got to like each other and start to fall in love. But Leanne Cartman discovers that her son is in love with Kyle, she forces him to get out of her house. Cartman turns to Kyle, telling him that he wants to stay with Kyle, that he loves him. Kyle, under his mother's control, tells Cartman that he should leave South Park and never return. Five years later on Cartman's birthday, Kyle finds Cartman with a guilty conscious and because he also realizes that he too is in love with cartman, no longer denying it. But 'Eric' has blocked 'Cartman's past out, making a whole new life for himself. The darkness represnets the lie Eric has made for himself, his denial of what he is; gay. The lightness is the truth, is Cartman's past, is admitting to what he is.  
**

**Were Kyle and Cartman in a relationship? Like Yaoi? Maybe. I put clues in the story that suggests they are, but at the same time, it appears that they are just friends. It all depends how you interpret it! :)**

**Well, I hope you all enjoy reading it! I surely enjoyed writing it!**

**Oh, thanks for the cake! But...where's my present?**

**Hey, how about leaving me a review as your present? That would be the best gift ever!**

**Please review and tell me what you thought! :)**

**Everyone who reviews will get a slice of birthday cake and ice cream!**

**Well, I'm gonna go hit the hey! **

**Until next time, my peeps! :)**


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